Three Tips for More Effective Dialogue Tags

How many times have you lost yourself in a passage of dialogue in a book, then had to stop and go back a few lines because suddenly you had no idea who was talking?

Without proper dialogue tags, it can be easy to lose track of who is speaking, especially if three or more characters are in conversation.

To help, here are my three best tips for incorporating dialogue tags into your scenes. 

1) Keep them simple.

He said. She said. Margaret said. Tom said.

That's all you need. 

Beginning writers who want to spruce up their writing sometimes err in amplifying their dialogue tags. Suddenly Margaret is chortling or arguing or remarking or coaxing and Tom is commanding or imploring or quipping or jeering.

Are any of these descriptors "bad" in and of themselves? No. They are actually effective at painting a more specific image in the reader's mind.

The problem lies in turning every tag into one of these. Do this, and you're going to wear your reader out. Save these tags for special occasions, and limit them to a few per chapter.

This also applies to adding adverb qualifiers to your tags. 

She said hastily. He said menacingly. Margaret implored questioningly. Tom admonished very hatefully. 

Bottom line: Don't overdo your tags.

2) Vary their location.

"I'm hot," Margaret said.

"Go sit in front of the fan," Tom said.

"I tried that already," Margaret said.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you then. We're all hot," Tom said.  

When you use a dialogue tag in the same place in every sentence, the conversation begins to sound repetitious, and readers notice the pattern. Writers use "said" as the key tag because it tends to disappear on the page, but the ones used in the above example call attention to themselves so that we're focused on who is saying rather than what they're saying. 

3. Use descriptions as tags.

If you play your phrasing right, you'll reduce the number of dialogue tags you actually need. Telling us what your character is doing is a great way to signal who's speaking.

Here's an example from All I Never Needed. 

Three people are in conversation: Mac, River, and Harley, and there's a mix of "said" and other variations, descriptions as tags, and locations of the tags.

But before she could even answer there was Mac, striding toward us. 

“Hey, Harley, some of us are about to head to my place. My parents are gone for the weekend and my sister is at a concert in Hamilton with some friends. You should totally come with.”

“Oh. Thanks, but my dad is expecting me home by eleven, so. . . .” She trailed off, allowing him to make the appropriate connections.

“You don’t have to stay the whole time. Just a quick drop-in,” he said. “I can give you directions. It’s not far from here.”

Harley scratched an itch on her ankle. “Thanks, but I really do have to get home soon.”

He smiled his million-dollar smile—his “I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer” smile, an “I always get what I want” smile. Harley picked up on this, too, and the spell of the alcohol snapped—the transition from relaxed to “on full alert” almost immediate.

“Come on. We have the whole basement set up. Pool table, ping pong, darts, a full bar. It’ll blow your mind.”

I forced my eyes not to roll. “Jesus,” I muttered. “She’s saying no, Mac.”

“No way. We’re having a blast,” he said. “And it’s not even eleven.”

“That’s not the point,” I said.

He turned to me. “What, are you her mouthpiece or something? You speak for her now?”

“I speak for her when you’re too obtuse to recognize that she’s politely refused you twice already.” 

He laughed. “Oh, I’m sorry, River. I didn’t realize you’d already laid claim.”

Something burned beneath my skin, my face growing hotter as I climbed off the picnic table and stood to look him in the eye. “Again, not the point, MacKenzie.”

“Look, I get it. If you two are going on just say so. Otherwise, back the *&#$ off.” 

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So there you are: three ways to fix your dialogue tags. This isn't something I recommend worrying too much about during the drafting stage--it's important to get the words on the paper as quickly as possible--but during an early editing round. 

If you're like me and tend toward distraction when you're editing, use the "find" feature to highlight the word "said." This may help you stay focused on the conversation, what tags are being used, where tags are being used, and if there's enough activity taking place between the snippets of dialogue.

As always:

Be Brilliant!

~Katie~ 

Creating Unique Characters

When it comes to character, the goal is to create someone who is going to capture the reader's attention.

If you're writing a novel, you'll likely have several key players, and they will all need to sound different from the next. Otherwise, you're at risk of confusing the reader.

When brainstorming your character list, think about the key characteristics of each one. What is their gender? What is their age? Where are they from? How educated are they? What is their general attitude toward the world? What's their attitude toward the other characters?

All of these are going to affect them profoundly.

Photo by Ron Lach

Character One is a woman in her fifties. She is a literature instructor at the local university, and her husband has just left her for a younger woman. Both of her children are out of the house. An elderly neighbor drops by Saturday mornings with items from her garden or newspaper clippings of interest, and the woman can't decide if this annoys her or if she appreciates the companionship. 

Photo by Khairul Leon

Character Two is a male in his early twenties. He dropped out of high school to move to the beach. He loves his job at the local dive bar and that he has time to surf during the day. He's never met a stranger.

Think about how differently these two are going to interact with the world and the people in it. 

These differences need to come across on the page: in their dialogue, in their reactions, in everything they notice. 

Why? Because the more specific and varied your cast of characters, the more real they will seem. The more real they seem, the more memorable your story will be for the reader.

Be Brilliant!

~Katie~

Writing Descriptions

The dialogue always comes early.

For me, that is.

I always hear the conversations my characters have in my head first and foremost. Writing the in-between--what's happening outside the conversation--has always been a bit harder.

So if you're anything like me and aren't always sure what to include between the conversations in your fiction, here are a few options:

What the character is doing.

Conversations rarely exist in a vacuum. We're most likely conversing while performing other tasks (washing the dishes, walking to work, re-stocking that shelf, etc.), so consider where your characters are and the activity they're engaged in while talking. Give us hints at how the activity is progressing. 

What the character is thinking/feeling. 

We rarely say what we mean. What does your character think about what's being relayed? This is a great place to add some conflict. For instance, maybe your main character agrees to meet with someone at another time, pretending she's okay with this, when she's actually suppressing her disappointment. Give us those inner thoughts. Show us the contrast between her expectations versus reality, or what she's predicting will happen.

What people are doing around them.

What does your character notice about the activities taking place around them? What (or who) is grabbing at their attention? Don't toss random associations into your descriptions--if a character sees something worth mentioning, it should mean something. Still, this is a great way to fill the space between your spoken words.

Backstory.

Is there an important piece of backstory that can be imparted during this conversation? Is there something about the past the character remembers, or a revelation she's having? Since backstory shouldn't be info-dumped into a single location, use conversations as a natural way to intersperse past (relevant) events into the present story.

Location.

Similar to noting what the character sees happening around her, what does the space look like? Are they in a garden or walking along a city street? Working in a kitchen at the back of a restaurant? What are the sights, sounds, and smells associated with this place? Toss in a few specific details to ground your reader within the setting as you move the conversation along.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Again, it's worth noting that every description included in a passage should be pertinent or important in some way. 

Also, keep in mind that balance is needed when interspersing these details, especially when they occur in the middle of a conversation. The reader needs enough information to gain a solid image of the time and place, but not so much that it takes over what's being said by the characters.

The perfect melding of description and dialogue, of course, will come with time and practice, so Get Writing. :D 

And always. . . . 

Be Brilliant!

~Katie~

The Half-Scene

Because summary can be incredibly important in presenting information that does not need its own scene (for instance, if the action came long before the scene taking place), but because it can also slow down the action and pacing (possibly encouraging the reader to skip it entirely), it can be helpful to integrate a "half-scene" into the summary within the main scene:

After my last fight with Sean—the morning of the day he died—I headed downstairs, putting as much physical distance between us as quickly as possible. I remember passing family portraits on my way down, a visual progression of the years growing between us. My lighter hair and glasses—until I got contacts. Sean’s darker features and broad shoulders—strong and confident. That stupid grin that got him whatever he wanted, even Claire.

Especially Claire.

“It’ll never work out!” he’d called after me. “You’re not her type!”

I ignored him, jogged into the kitchen, my new tennis shoes squeaking against the wood floors. My mom was at the counter, scrolling through something on her phone. The Keurig was hissing, the dishwasher running—whirring and clicking its way through the cycle.

It’s crazy the details I remember about that day.

I remember thinking, for instance, that the only way the dishwasher would be running in the morning was if Sean had forgotten to start it the night before—that it was so like him to be completely undependable. Not that anyone seemed to notice.

“What’s going on?” Mom asked.

“Nothing.” I grabbed two cherry breakfast bars from the pantry and a bottled water from the fridge.

In a few short hours, I would puke those bars up on the hospital lawn. After that, I would never eat one again. I wouldn’t even be able to look at them without feeling nauseous. 

This scene is a flashback that pulls us out of present day, but it doesn't only summarize the past--it mixes dialogue and action to add more drama. It is a scene within a scene. 

So if you're working on backstory and feel the paragraphs are getting too bogged down with simple summary, try to add some elements of scene: dialogue, descriptive action, etc. Paint a few of those specific images you're discussing for the reader.

Just remember to keep the point of view and tense consistent. The above example remains in Jesse's POV because I'm in his head at that moment in the story, but with this snippet of action I've pulled the narration from present tense (he says) to past (he said).

A few nice "action moments" can break up the monotony when information needs to be summarized, making the passage more memorable.

Be Brilliant!

~Katie~

On Language

I post quite a bit about character development and plot on this blog because these are critical factors in whether or not a book is believable, enjoyable, etc.

However, language--or how your story is told--is also v. important.

I'm reading a novel right now at the behest of my sister-in-law, who thrust the book at me last weekend and said: "This book is awful. Read it so we can discuss."

*sigh*

I know how hard writers work at their craft and how difficult it is to tell a story that resonates, so I was really hesitant to go into this book with the pre-conceived idea that it Just Doesn't Work. It did, after all, go through an agent and editors and was published by a reputable publisher. It can be grabbed from the shelves of any major retailer as of this writing, and a quick check of the reviews shows that it did, in fact, resonate with *some* people.

(Don't try to guess which book it is. It will not show up on my Goodreads list.) ;)

At any rate, there are, in fact, problems with plot, character development, and telling over showing (also: SO MANY coincidences), but one of the main problems is the language. 

This is a historical novel set near the turn of the 20th century. The main characters are European. For discussion's sake, let's pretend they're Italian (they aren't).

The issues with the language are numerous. 

First, the characters don't really sound Italian. Every so often the writer will toss in an italicized Italian word or phrase, or will insert some English-Italian slang; otherwise, the "voice" just isn't there. This means those words and phrases also tend to draw unnecessary attention to themselves. A few, in particular, are repeated ad nauseam. Every time I see one it's: "Oh, yeah. These characters are Italian." This is usually followed by: "Why do they say this word so much?"

The next problem is that these Italian speakers don't sound like they're from the turn of the 20th century. In one instance, a girl says "totally." Maybe they used this word back then--I don't know--but because it's so common today, it's a bit jarring to see it in a historical work. To some degree, I do expect a historical piece to have a more elevated and formal style of writing (which this story does, in fact, call for).

There are also trite/overused expressions and cliches that don't seem to fit the historical/Italian vibe, either.  

Every few pages I'm being pulled from the story. I can't fully immerse or lose myself in the narration because the language keeps calling attention to itself because it feels so unnatural. 

So, writer friends: 

How is your story's message communicated? 

Is it believable? Is it convincing?

Every language and culture has its own nuances, and the dialogue and prose need to sound *exactly* right for maximum believability. The voice of a regency romance should not mirror a contemporary one. A story set in the American South should not sound like a story set on the streets of London.

And we can go further: a story set in Georgia (American South) should not read exactly like a story set in Mississippi (also American South).

Plot and character development are important, but so is language: the dialogue, the word choice, the turns of phrasing.

What does this mean for writers?

It's important for us to do our research. Every word on the page should reflect the period, location, and genre in which we are writing.

Read, revise, read again, revise, read out loud, and, when the words stop making sense, enlist the help of a beta reader or two. They should be able to pinpoint any places where the tone, phrasing, conversation, etc. don't quite match their intention. 

And always. . . .

Be Brilliant!

~Katie~

Story Rhythms

The rhythm of your story (or the pacing) is built around your scene structure. 

The length (or how long or short your scenes are) is what drives the flow.

Scenes with more exposition and description, for instance, will slow down the story. Dialogue will always speed a scene up. 

A comedic scene will be shorter and more quickly paced than a dramatic scene, which tends to be longer and more drawn out. 

But whether you're writing comedy or drama, the scenes should get shorter as you progress toward the climax. This is when the intensity of the story will be at its greatest, where the pages (hopefully) start turning themselves.

Otherwise, there should be a nice mix of points in your novel where the speed picks up, then pulls back a little--action vs. reaction--an incline that slowly builds to that key moment where everything unravels.

Be Brilliant!

~Katie~

Four Things About Characters

1. The character who is his own worst enemy makes for compelling reading. This doesn't mean readers will have patience with an idiot, but that we are willing to cut even a total moron at least *some* slack if he's working toward a goal.

2. Each character should have his/her own voice. The dialogue has to be true to the character, and the reader should be able to tell every character apart from the next.

3. Even the villain should be someone worth empathizing with. If there are power structures and believable motives at play, it shouldn't be hard for a reader to identify with the bad guy. No one is pure evil, after all. 

4. Avoid boring/uninteresting characters. People are rife with contradictions and quirks. As a writer, it's our job to find these in our characters and make them worth getting to know.

Be Brilliant!

~Katie~

The Said and the Unsaid

What's "said" on the page includes dialogue, gestures, and observable behaviors.

What's "unsaid" includes what's beneath the spoken and observable--the thoughts and expressions that the character is holding back, or choosing not to say and do.

In a well-developed character, what's said will contradict or conflict with what he's holding back (for whatever reason), and if a scene isn't working, it may be because what's going on beneath the "said" isn't compelling enough.

Be Brilliant!

~Katie~

On Dialogue

One of the best things about writing dialogue is that it allows you to present a lot of information in a limited amount of time. By filling your characters in on what's happening around them, you're filling your readers in.

That said, nothing pulls a reader from a story faster than when characters are discussing something they should already know.

"Your sister turned eight this year."

"We just came from that store."

"You stopped at the bathroom before going inside."

Think about the conversations you share with friends and family.

There's a big difference between a discussion that begins with "Remember when. . . ." and uses a mix of dialogue and exposition to present something that previously happened, and imparting information through conversation that the character should already know.

The latter is nearly as bad as tapping your reader on the shoulder and saying: "Here. This is for you."

Always read your dialogue out loud. If it sounds the tiniest bit contrived or obvious, fix it.

(and always) Be Brilliant!

~Katie~